Only a few hurtful words can cause a great depth of hurt, escalating into thoughts of anger and frustration. It doesn’t take much to cause havoc with the words we speak. We can fake a smile or stuff down the pain so nobody sees, but hiding our hurt doesn’t cause the pain to be erased. One simple memory can spark that wound we thought was previously healed.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget how we were treated, but rather, we can look at our circumstance through a different lens. That person maybe intended to hurt you, but God can still use it with good purpose. The pain that broke your heart, God can still help use it to refine you.
Recently there was an incident that caused anger to well up within me from words spoken that were untrue and unfair. It caused a lot of resentment within my heart and took much effort to overlook this offense and move on. One day while working through forgiving this person, God helped change my perspective using Joseph’s life as an example.
Joseph was ridiculed, persecuted and rejected by his brothers. He was sold and abandoned, left alone with no familiar face or place to run to. Those he loved most rejected him and wanted nothing to do with him. He was separated from his parents, not knowing if he’d ever see them again. He was thrown in the dungeon of Potiphar’s house for many years, not knowing if he’d ever be released. Finally, after years of waiting, Joseph became leader over all the land. God brought incredible prosperity to him, blessing him immensely.
One day, his brothers entered the city looking for food during a famine. Joseph had every right to seek revenge, instead, Joseph sought restoration. He not only forgave, but he had a perspective that is so inspiring. In Genesis 15:20 Joseph says: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”
Joseph saw how his personal tragedy, the intentional abandonment from his brothers and years of suffering resulted in him being placed in Egypt, allowing him to be in authority to protect the people of the land. If he had never been sold, brought into Potiphar’s house and stuck in the dungeon waiting to interpret Potiphar’s dream of the impending famine, the people never would have been prepared for the famine and survived. God wanted Joseph to be placed in Egypt to impact so many more than in Canaan with his family. Joseph witnessed what his brothers meant to do as harm to him personally and see how God used it to help grow and prepare him for far greater things.
I could look at my situation with the words that person said and let it cause frustration and anger on my heart, or I could use this situation to help me grow spiritually. It’s easier to let the anger linger and my heart to putter in frustration, but at the end of the day it doesn’t help me feel any better. The hurt that person caused cut deep, but God was calling me to learn something bigger through this.
This situation helped me lean on God more through the pain, anger, frustration and resentment. It allowed me to see just a glimpse of what God offers to me so freely and willingly every day when I don’t even realize the intensity of my sin. I was able to let go of the pain they caused and helped me entrust it to God, who will judge justly. I can only control my actions, not theirs. I don’t know what that person must have been going through to muster up words such as these that hurt me. I just know I fail miserably and mess things up often. I too should be able to forgive when God forgives me, when I certainly don’t deserve it.
Every so often anger starts to well back up within me when something new arises to prick that fragile wound that still hasn’t fully healed, It’s a constant cycle of surrendering it over to God and choosing forgiveness over and over again.
Forgiveness is not a one-and-done deal. It is a cycle that we continually work through until we can fully surrender it to God and seek reconciliation. The pain may not go away, but our perspective can change us so we can endure the pain and know it is being used for eternal good. We may never fully comprehend the purpose for our pain, but truly trusting in God helps us surrender it to Him knowing He is using it for something we just don’t fully understand yet.
Even when others mistreat or say hurtful words to us, may we choose to act like Christ and remember that God sees every action. Nothing goes unnoticed. The hurt it caused you is seen. God will judge justly. May we choose to show kindness when it is not offered to us. May we act in love when we are not cared for in return. May our actions depict Christ even when it seems unfair. May we let go of the anger when there was no remorse on their end. May we offer compassion and grace when we don’t fully understand.
God uses the darkest, deepest hurts on our hearts to draw us closest to Him. When my heart felt so bitter towards the untrue words spoken in that circumstance, I allowed that bitterness to reside within me. After letting what that person did make my heart bitter, I knew I needed to turn it over to God to judge. It was not my place. God helped me see that this circumstance was helping refine me and teach me how to surrender my anger to the Lord. How else could I learn this, unless it came through practice and implementation?
I can find joy in these moments of suffering, knowing it is helping me grow. What might God be doing through a difficult circumstance in your own life to grow and prepare you for something amazing ahead? How might you be able to be an example of Christ and choose to forgive, even when there is no apology offered?
1 Peter 1:6-7
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.