Do you grow restless wondering if your future spouse exists? Do you question if God truly has someone out there for you? My heart gets uneasy when I feel the pressure of society caving in on me. The lies rush my already impatient heart. Anxiety floods over me, drenching me in worry and fear that I’m running out of time. The worries overwhelm me, but I try ever so hard to stuff them deep within so nobody can see the weight that they bear.
As a child, I always imagined I would get married and have a family, never growing worried if it actually never happened. It wasn’t even a thought that entered my naive mind. Through high school and college I saw others dating, even married, but it never felt like singleness defined me. As I grow older I find myself anxiously waiting, rather hoping, God has someone out there for me. It has left me worried that maybe my hopes for being a wife someday are just wishful dreams that will never come true.
The older I get the more it feels as though time is slipping through my hands. Every moment that passes makes me feel like I’m one step behind, causing me to be missing out. Missing out on a happy successful life. Missing out on time spent with my husband and watching my kids grow up. At times being single causes me to believe I’m not worthy enough to be in a relationship. These lies grow into thoughts that make me feel unworthy of being chosen or loved.
Marriage is something society puts into a specific time-frame, rather than placing it into God’s hands. Society batters us with lies like: “If you’re not married by 30, something must be wrong with you; you’re running out of time.” I can’t count the times that God didn’t seem to be working in the time-frame I desired. I tried rushing ahead through seasons of my life that God was desiring me to endure and grow through. If I had only let God take control of my plans and didn’t become so focused on my desires that I missed what God was trying to teach me.
Although, despite my mistakes, I can still look back and see what God has taught me. He’s used each bump in the road, times of silence, and closed doors for my protection and growth. Let me make a quick application…
Our family had recently gotten a new furry addition to our household. We adopted a golden retriever puppy, bringing joy, and quite a bit of patience, into our daily schedule. Thinking puppies would be fun and cute, I quickly changed my innocent mind of my wishful desires of having a puppy amidst the training phase. Through the training process one day I became aware that I was similar to this reckless little puppy. She was biting on everything, including rocks, exploring places she shouldn’t go and trekking to areas of the yard that could cause her harm. Having control of her leash, I could lead her away from the danger areas. Things she thought were pleasing to her eye were rather potential areas of harm. From her perspective, I’m sure she thought I was hindering her from her every desire to play by grabbing tightly onto her leash.
I can see a lot of myself in this little fuzzy ball of fur. I desire to go my own way and travel to places I think will bring satisfaction and contentment. I have a specific idea of how I want my life to look like and who I want to become, but sometimes I feel trapped and restrained from what I desire the most. I can’t see things like God does. When it feels like God is withholding something from me, it’s not out of spite, but rather to protect. He knows what’s best and wants to grant me everything that will benefit me and help me succeed. Through each season I know He’s trying to teach me something. I may not understand it now, but it will all make sense one day. If I’m following after God, I know that I have all I need to succeed. As long as I’m in His will, I’m in the very best place I can be.
Although we can look at our circumstances and it feels like God is withholding something from our reach that we think will fill that void inside us, He has a better view on our circumstances. He’s guiding and leading us to the places He knows will fulfill our greatest potential in this life.
I grow uneasy questioning what God desires of me in this current stage of life I’m in. I worry that I’m not fulfilling what He desires of me. I doubt my potential due to the fact that my life doesn’t look like my friends around me. Because I’m not married or dating, I feel like I’m not succeeding in what God desires of me. I feel like I’m letting Him down because I’m not capable of living a life like I see those who are married can provide.
I forget that God doesn’t expect us to meet up to expectations that society places on us. When He has something different in store for us, it doesn’t mean we have less worth. We just have a different purpose and calling. He will provide in His timing, if marriage is something God desires for our life. We don’t have to grow uneasy wondering if we’ve fallen short or missed an opportunity. When it’s God’s timing we will know. We just need to be seeking Him and placing our circumstances in His hands. He will direct us where we need to go. We just need to trust, and in all honesty, that’s the hardest part. Trusting and waiting even in the uncertainty.
When God has something different in store for us, it doesn’t mean we have less worth, just a different purpose and calling.
When you begin to grow restless in your current season of singleness, find peace in knowing that God is working in the silence. He hears your prayers. Don’t give up hope. No time in prayer or petition is wasted. God knows the worries on your heart. He knows the burden they bear. He sees the restlessness it brings seeing others around you in relationships, having their dreams seemingly come true, when you’ve been waiting earnestly for His timing. He will reward your faithfulness and perseverance waiting on His perfect timing.
God may be using this season of singleness to strengthen you and your spouse for each other. It may be a time for you to endure through so you can be an encouragement to someone down the road who may experience the same situation. Maybe God desires you to remain single to use your life in a different way than you expected to help serve and display His love to others like nobody else could!
Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him.
Choose to focus on where God has placed you right now. Don’t rush ahead and long for things to change to bring contentment. Don’t grow worried not knowing if God has a spouse for you. No matter what lies ahead, God is using it to strengthen and shape you into a perfect instrument to be used for His glory. We weren’t created to have all our dreams come true, but to live a life glorifying to God and serving Him. Marriage isn’t a requirement to serve God, glorify Him and love others, and that’s what we were created for!
In the Old Testament we find that Hannah endured emotional trauma due to her inability to have children. It wasn’t something that God immediately provided for her, but it took time. Finally God provided her with a son, and many children to follow. I find that the things we pray about the most, and wait the longest for truly mean more when God blesses us with them.
Don’t live your life waiting for God to change your present circumstances. Live your life for today, knowing that God is preparing the way for you. He’s guiding you each step and providing you with everything you need; all you need is the faith to keep moving and doing what God has placed in front of you.
We may not understand the reason of our singleness, but God’s got it. He’s working through it and He knows exactly what you need for this very moment of your life. We may think we need something to quench that ache that desires someone to love us, but we already have every need met. God promises to provide everything we need, nothing is missing if He’s the center of our lives. Choose to focus on Him and allow your trust to strengthen, knowing that you don’t have to be in control for your circumstances to change. It’s letting go and giving it to God that allows us to see things begin to change, even if it’s just our perspective. That alone can make all the difference!
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.